Love and Marriage in Islam

And of His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and that He has put between you love and mercy. Verily, in that are signs for those who reflect.
— Surah ar-Rum (Holy Quran, 30:21)

The seeking and experiencing of love is fundamental to human nature. In fact, it may be said that love is the fundamental driving force of all human endeavor.

In this article, I seek to shed a light on the concept of love and marriage in Islam, and how an understanding of the subject may lead to the attainment of the highest ideals of spiritual excellence and personal growth in a sacred relationship based upon truth and light.

Love and Marriage in Islam

Love and Marriage in Islam

Love is to unify, to complete, make whole and become one. Yet more often than not, the pursuit of love results in its opposite, in disappointment, incompletion, separation and loneliness. When misunderstood or manipulated, love and its pursuit, rather than lead to joy, balance, completion and surrender, ultimately leads to suffering and sorrow.

Yet by understanding what love truly is, its source and how to authentically attain it, an individual, couple, family, community, nation and world can fill life with goodness, grace, beauty, joy, light and spiritual excellence.

In grasping a deeper concept of love and marriage in Islam, you can learn how to choose a life partner that will not only amplify the experience of love and goodness, but will also serve as a means to divine love rather than as a distraction or deterrent from your true purpose.

And if you are already wed, by understanding a deeper concept of love and marriage in Islam, one based in Islamic Spirituality, self-purification and the perfection of one’s character and intention, you can begin breathing new life and light into your relationship, facilitating its true purpose of cultivating a life based in divine purpose and spiritual service.

The Source of Love

First and foremost, in addressing the concept of love and marriage in Islam, it is essential to know that all love comes from the Divine Eternal Source, Allah Almighty. He has created all of creation with but a drop from the ocean of His divine love, and it is divine love that is the source of all love on this planet and throughout the Universe.

Love and Marriage in Islam : Dissolve in Oneness

The love human begins have for one another is but a drop of the pure, incomprehensible and infinite love Allah Almighty has for all of creation. The love a mother has for her child, a husband or wife for their spouse, or friends, relatives and companions for one another all originate from the Divine Source of Love, and is felt through the heart and soul, the medium, the borderpoint and nexus, through which the Eternal and the temporal meet.

Through Your Love, existence and nonexistence merge.
All opposites unite.
All that is profane becomes sacred again.
— Jalaluddin Rumi (qs)

As a human being becomes purified of selfishness and ego, as a believer empties him or herself of all that is impure, the vastness of divine love begins to fill his or her being with such grace and power that it transmutes not only his or her life, but such pure and true love begins to transform all one comes into contact with. Such an individual becomes a portal for divine love, goodness and grace into the world.

How can a love so great live in a being so small?
— Jalaluddin Rumi (qs)

And so said the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saws), “God has said, ‘Neither the heavens nor the earth can contain Me, save the heart of a believer.'”

God has said, “Neither the heavens nor the earth can contain Me, save the heart of a believer.”
— Prophet Muhammad (saws) [Hadith Qudsi]

The Divine Purpose of Love

Fundamental to our nature, we are designed to seek unity, wholeness and completion. We are made and built to seek love. Ultimately, we are destined to discover real, true and eternal Love in the Divine Presence of God.

God has said, “I was a hidden treasure and wanted to be known, so I created.”
— Prophet Muhammad (saws) [Hadith Qudsi]

The intrinsic need for love in our beings is but the soul’s need to return to its divine Source, Home, to the Presence of the Eternal and Absolute from where it comes.

Verily, all originates from God, and to God shall all things return.
— Surah al-Baqarah (Holy Quran, 2:256)

Love and Marriage in Islam : CoupleIt is important to understand, especially in the context of love and marriage in Islam, that the purpose behind our basic need for love originates from the fundamental and core desire to rediscover the Divine.

Incredibly, all conflict and violence are in reality an attempt to attain love. It is but the failure to communicate intelligently, consciously and truly, beyond mind and ego, that is the root of all conflict.

Communication literally means to commune, or “to become one with,” and true communication, unity, is only possible through the Eternal Divine Presence of Allah Almighty, in which all separation and difference are dissolved and disappear.

True love is only possible through selflessness, and ultimately, as human beings begin to realize that love is all there is, and that we are all one, when love and forgiveness are the rule rather than the exception, our world will begin to change, and we will come closer to the manifestation of the Kingdom of Heaven rather than the fire of suffering, or a world, life and reality that God forbid resembles its opposite.

Is it any surprise that with the increase in human madness, conflict and violence, our very planet is heating up, moving closer to the manifestation of Hell rather than Paradise?

Yet it is the will of the Divine that we human beings, His beloved creation, servants and divine deputies, ultimately awaken to the Truth and to the reality of our own beings.

Behold! Thy Lord said to the angels, “I will create a divine deputy upon the earth.”
The angels said: “Wilt Thou place therein one who will make mischief and shed blood, whilst we do celebrate Thy praises and glorify Thee?”
He said, “I know that which ye know not.”
— Surah al-Baqarah (Holy Quran, 2:30)

Awakening and spiritual evolution is our divine destiny, and as circuitous a path as we may be taking to the fulfillment and completion of Allah Almighty’s will for creation, it is inevitable and we will reach it.

Yet through wisdom, guidance, light and proper information, we have the opportunity to minimize suffering for ourselves and for others. We have the opportunity to consciously choose truth, and so advance in our lives through love, joy and awareness rather than through pain, suffering and sorrow.

Love and Marriage in Islam : A New Earth

One day the earth will be changed to a different earth, and so will be the Heavens, and mankind will come forth unto God, the One, the Irresistible.
— Surah Ibrahim (Holy Quran 14:48)

Islam, Love and Marriage

The fundamental principle I would like to emphasize with regards to love and marriage in Islam is that in Islam, the Muslim has the opportunity to consciously choose to seek and experience the love of the Eternal rather than lose oneself in attachment to the temporal. In other words, when seeking to experience Truth by knowing the essence within the form, temporal love becomes a vehicle towards the fulfillment of divine purpose rather than becoming a distraction and deterrent from this, our true purpose on this planet.

If we fail to understand and apply this principle, that love is in truth based in transcendent Essence, “love” actually becomes a barrier to Truth and to true love, and our attachment to form, to matter, to what is material, veils the light of the Eternal and Absolute.

Such relationships which are based in materialism, the preoccupation with and attachment to form and matter, at the expense of the essence, soul and spirit, rather than be blessed, ultimately become a burden and turn in upon themselves, inevitably leading to fracture and failure, to separation, upon which they are fundamentally based.

True love and unity are only possible in and through the Divine Presence, and all of Islam is towards the attainment and experience of Truth and Love, true love.

Islam is the religion of love, unity and oneness. And this noble purpose, the transcendence of self and temporal form, is the purpose of love and marriage in Islam.

The time has come to turn your heart into a temple of fire.
Your essence is gold hidden in dust.
To reveal its splendor, you need to burn in the fire of love.
— Jalaluddin Rumi (qs)

Thus said the holy Prophet Muhammad, the Seal of Messengers (saws), that marriage is actually half of one’s religion in Islam.

When a Muslim marries, they have fulfilled half of the religion; so let them be conscious of Allah regarding the remaining half.
— Prophet Muhammad (saws) [Tirmidhi]

And so, through love, life is given birth to. With true love, eternal life is attained. And to drink from this divine Source of true love is to drink from al-may al-hayyat, the Water of Life, the Fountain of Eternal Youth, a deep secret within Islamic Spirituality.

Self-Purification and the Purpose of Religion

Purity leads to God, and the fundamental purpose of Islam is known as tazkiyyat an-nafs, “purification of the self.” In fact, when the Prophet Muhammad (saws) first began teaching the Way, he simply called it tazkiyyah, meaning “purification.”

Allah loves they who purify themselves.
— Surah at-Tawba (Holy Quran, 9:108)

With regards to love and marriage in Islam, specifically within the close relationship between spouses, all of the latent impurities of character arise and must be dealt with, cleansed and purified, lest they undermine and destroy the union.

Your task is not to seek love, but rather to seek and find all the barriers to it that you have built within yourself against it.
— Jalaluddin Rumi (qs)

The Universe is a mirror, and its true purpose is to show you yourself. Ultimately, the purpose of the Way is to increase in self-knowledge, for through such knowledge, one discerns all that is false in him or herself, can consciously purify him or herself of vanity and ego-consciousness, and ultimately thus arrives at the Divine Presence of God.

They who know themselves are they who know their Lord.
— Prophet Muhammad (saws)

The Prophet Muhammad (saws) also said, “Al-mu’min miraat al-mu’min,” which means, “The believer is the mirror of the believer.”

All human beings are mirrors unto one another, yet the most clear are they who are spiritually purified, most notably the prophets and their inheritors, the men of knowledge and wisdom, the saints, Awliyaullah.

The believer is the mirror of the believer.
— Prophet Muhammad (saws)

Modern Materialism and Love

Love and Marriage in Islam : Elderly CoupleIn contrast to love and marriage in Islam, which is based in divine love and service, in the modern materialist approach to life, the concept of love is primarily based in temporal form. This results with its physical expression often in the obsession with sex rather than in real love, and true union is never reached, for such can only be experienced beyond form, via spiritual purification and in the Divine Presence of God.

It is for this reason that the holy Prophet Muhammad (saws) said that there is reward in love between a man and wife, yet sin, spiritual burden, in sex beyond the sanctity of marriage. For in the sacred union between a husband and wife, particularly when based upon the foundation of a life based upon spirituality and human excellence towards the goal of attaining divine pleasure in the Divine Presence of God, do human beings experience true fulfillment, completion, unity and light.

Islamic Spirituality is established to lead to true love, and true love based in love of essence beyond form strengthens the body, mind and soul, and serves a greater and divine purpose. A predominantly physical relationship however is primarily a selfish and solitary experience, never achieving true and transcendent union.

Yet through selflessness, which is achieved through tazkiyyat an-nafs, self-purification, sometimes referred to as the science of Sufism, a husband and wife may transcend temporal form and meet through love in a spiritual experience of divine unity.

Hence the near hopelessness of relationships in western or modern materialist culture, the dismal failure rate a clear testament to the failure of the materialist and physical approach to life and living.

More than anything, we are taught to seek love. Yet the very approach makes true and lasting love virtually unattainable, for that which is based in temporal form becomes the very barrier to true love and to transcendent unity.

Love, to be real, must be based in divine purpose, light and divine love. True love is the meeting of hearts and souls, not just bodies, and such can only take place beyond the world of form, in the Divine Presence.

It is for this reason that the great teachers and masters of Islamic Spirituality have suggested that it is important to even be in a state of ritual purity, wudu, when coming together as husband and wife.

The Path of Knowledge and Growth

The giving of love is an education in itself.
— Eleanor Roosevelt

The purpose of life is continual growth, development, progress and evolution. That which is not growing is dying. And this principle applies to all dimensions of life and living, particularly in the context of love and marriage in Islam.

Islam provides the opportunity for limitless growth and knowledge, and so said the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saws), “Be a learner from the cradle to the grave.”

They die not who give life to learning.
— Prophet Muhammad (saws)

Love and Marriage in Islam : Universe Expanding

In the Universe, nothing is stagnant and nothing remains the same. In fact, it can be said that the only constant in the Universe is change. The Universe itself is in a constant state of expansion, and the Holy Quran itself has miraculously affirmed this truth over 1,400 years ago.

And it is We Who have constructed the heavens and firmament with might, and verily, it is We Who are steadily expanding it.
— Surah adh-Dhariyat (Holy Qur’an, 51:47)

Nothing is ever stagnant, nothing remains the same, the river of life is continually flowing forward towards is Eternal Source, the Divine Presence, and in the context of love and marriage in Islam, a couple is either growing together, or they are growing apart.

Islam and Islamic Spirituality provide the opportunity for limitless growth and expansion, for in Islam, perpetual growth and knowledge are the path to God. Hence, the very first revelation of the Holy Quran itself is a commandment to learn, and that true knowledge flows from the Divine Presence.

Read! In the Name thy Lord, Who created.
Created mankind from but a clot.
Read! And thy Lord is Most Gracious.
Who teaches by the Pen.
Who teaches human beings what they know not.
— Surah al-‘Alaq (Holy Quran, 96:1-5)

Islam is the final revelation from the Divine Presence to humanity, from God to His creatures, and it is but the culmination and confirmation of all that came before it. It is the completion and perfection of the Way.

Say: “We believe in Allah and that which is revealed unto us and that which was revealed unto Abraham and Ishmael, and Isaac, and Jacob and the tribes, and that which Moses and Jesus received, and that which all the Prophets received from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them, and unto Him Almighty we have surrendered. “
— Surah al-Baqarah (Holy Quran, 2:136)


That which We have revealed to thee of the Book is the Truth, confirming all that was revealed before it. Lo! Allah is indeed the Observer, the Witness of His creation.
— Surah Fatir (Holy Quran, 35:31)

And thus, the final revelation of the Holy Quran reads:

This day have I perfected for you your religion, completed My favor upon you, and have chosen for you Islam — Surrender — as your way of life.
— Surah al-Ma’idah (Holy Quran, 5:3)

With Islam, humanity can reach not only true love through Islamic Spirituality and self-purification, but also learn to live life with honor, dignity, grace, purity, beauty, excellence and light.

Islam, when properly understood and expressed, provides guidance for the highest and most excellent manifestation of conscious life on earth, its sole purpose being the elevation and evolution of humanity.

Verily, We have honored the children of Adam. We carry them upon land and in the sea, have made provision of good things for them, and have preferred them over much of what We have created with a marked preferment.
— Surah al-Isra (Holy Quran, 17:70)

Love and Marriage in Islam : Khidr FishIn the above verse, the deeper meaning of “upon land and sea” implies that Allah Almighty provides means for perpetual growth, development, progress and journey in both the physical world, “land”, as well as in the realm of the soul and spirit, “sea.” This imagery hearkens back to the “meeting of the two seas” described in Surah al-Kahf, in which Moses (as) seeks out the mystic Khidr (as) to learn a deeper knowledge directly from the Divine Presence.

Also, another term for the Divine Presence of God is Bahr ul-Qudra, the Ocean of Power, in which all things subsist, and so, traveling through the sea in this context implies journeying to the Divine Presence through the spiritual world, spiritual knowledge being the vessel.

Live, Love and Grow Together

A poor yet pious man is a better marriage suitor than a wealthy man who is not pious.
— Prophet Muhammad (saws)

With proper education, we have the opportunity for lifelong fulfillment and growth. That which is stagnant rots and dies, and even with love and marriage in Islam, we must keep moving forward, we must keep learning, advancing and growing — together — towards the Eternal, the Absolute, towards the Divine Presence of Allah Almighty.

Such is a life based in divine purpose, and the greatest gift of God is to be able to share such a noble, endless and beautiful journey with another. Thus said the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saws) to seek out piety, sincerity and spiritual purity above all else when choosing a life partner.

The greatest blessing in the world is a pious wife.
— Prophet Muhammad (saws)

How to Experience Love and Marriage in Islam

I present the following suggestions on seeking, finding and keeping true and eternal love, and discovering and living a life of purpose and perpetual growth and advancement towards the Divine Presence.

1. Embrace the Way

Establish as you and your spouse’s foundation the eternal and divine Way, al-Islam, the way of surrender and spiritual excellence. The purpose of everything in Islam is clearly and unequivocally to draw nearer unto the Divine Presence of God, towards Truth and Reality. Such is a life blessed and supported by divine power and light.

The Muslim reminds and affirms at least five times daily, as he or she faces the Ka’ba, the “House of God”, that the purpose of they, their family and community’s life, is divine service, and that through spirituality and purification of the self, they will attain higher levels of consciousness, awareness, selflessness, purity and awakening.

 I have created the jinn and men but that they worship Me. No sustenance do I require of them nor do I require that they should feed Me. For it is Allah Who provides sustenance, the Lord of Power, the Steadfast.
— Surah adh-Dhariyat (Holy Quran, 51:56-58)

Needless to say, Allah Almighty is utterly independent of any need whatsoever. Yet through worship and divine service, we nourish, quicken and awaken our very souls. Again, it is Allah Almighty that provides nourishment and sustenance, and the nourishment and sustenance of the soul is spiritual practice and worship, divine service.

Spiritual energy is the power that animates all living things, and it is spiritual energy that we obtain even from the physical food which sustains us.

When the Muslim makes pilgrimage to Mecca during the Hajj, circumambulating in revolution around the Ka’ba, the first “House of God” built for the worship of the One Eternal Absolute Divine Source, he or she is again affirming that the center and axis of his and her life is God and divine purpose, that they and their family’s very lives revolve around spiritual excellence, ever drawing nearer unto the Divine Presence.

As the Muslim prostrates with forehead on the ground dozens of times daily, he or she is continually affirming to the soul in manifest action, and impressing upon the subconscious at a fundamental level, that he or she lives and seeks to surrender to God, externally and internally. Such service is in reality service, love and honor for oneself.

Islam is the perfect system, a gift given from the very Creator of the heavens and earth. It may take humanity tens of thousands of years of error and consequence, if ever, to ultimately arrive at such perfection. Yet the wise, the humble and the sincere, whose hearts are open and seeking truth, will recognize such grace, excellence and perfection.

It needs be said, they who consciously come to Islam in the current day and age, in which the religion and the way has been distorted by the ignorant, corrupt and impious nearly beyond recognition, is truly a gift of grace from God.

Not only does the modern materialist corporate driven media focus nearly exclusively on the most extreme expressions of aberration within the Muslim community, Muslims themselves have all but nearly forgotten the true purpose and essence of Islam.

There will come a time for my people when there will remain nothing of the Qur’an except its outward form and nothing of Islam except its name, and they will call themselves by this name even though they are the people furthest from it.
— Prophet Muhammad (saws)

Yet in such a time, there is no greater reward and accomplishment, no greater grace, than to truly and sincerely follow guidance when all else have lost it.

True surrender and belief in God is surrender and belief in His revelation, in complete and total dependence upon God. Such is the way of the sincere and the successful.

He who brought me here will have to take me Home.
— Jalaluddin Rumi (qs)

Do not depend on yourself. Depend entirely and utterly upon God. Surrender to His divine will. And do not allow the imperfection of the practitioners to obscure the perfection of the practice and the Way.

See. Believe. Trust. Grow. Learn. Awaken. Live. Love.

2. Engage in Self-Purification

All that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth glorifies and exalts Allah, the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One, the Mighty, the Wise.
It is He Who has sent from amongst the unlearned a Messenger, to rehearse to them His signs, to sanctify and purify them, and to instruct them in the Book and in wisdom, although they had before been in manifest error.
As well as to others of who have not yet joined them, for He is the Mighty, the Wise.
Such is the bounty of Allah, which He giveth unto whom He will, and Allah is of Infinite Bounty.
— Surah al-Jumu’ah (Holy Quran, 62:1-4)

Purification of the self is the essence and purpose of Islam. It is the path, the Way, al-tariqah, by which humanity draws nearer unto God. For the only veil between an individual and his or her Lord is the self, limited ego-consciousness.

I have been sent but to perfect noble character.
— Prophet Muhammad (saws)

If one is engaged exclusively in the forms and rituals of religion, he or she misses the point and purpose entirely, and in fact ultimately becomes the antithesis of the religion itself.

Identifying expressly with form, such an individual, rather than dissolve and transcend the self, aggrandizes it and augments it to the detriment of the soul, and to the veiling of the Divine Presence within.

Such are lost in mind, in rigid belief systems and structures, servants to mental idols, and are veiled from the heart and soul, wherein only is possible the discovery of the Divine.

It is for this reason that the great Muslim mystic, Jalaluddin Rumi, renounced superficial identity, for he clearly saw it as a barrier to true selflessness and awakening to the Divine Presence of God, the very purpose of Islam.

Why think thus O men of piety?
I have returned to sobriety
I am neither a Moslem nor a Hindu
I am not Christian, Zoroastrian, nor Jew
I am neither of the West nor the East
Not of the ocean, nor any earthly beast
I am neither a natural wonder
Nor from the stars yonder
Neither flesh of dust, nor wind inspire
Nor water in veins, nor made of fire
I am neither an earthly carpet, nor gems terrestrial
Nor am I confined to Creation, nor the Throne Celestial
Not of ancient promises, nor of future prophecy
Not of hellish anguish, nor of paradisic ecstasy
Neither the progeny of Adam, nor Eve
Nor of the world of heavenly make-believe
My place is the no-place
My image is without face
Neither of body nor the soul
I am of the Divine Whole
I eliminated duality with joyous laughter
Saw the unity of here and the hereafter
Unity is what I sing, unity is what I speak
Unity is what I know, unity is what I seek
Intoxicated from the chalice of Love
I have lost both worlds below and above
Sole destiny that comes to me
Licentious mendicity
In my whole life, even if once
Forgot His name even per chance
For that hour spent, for such moment
I’d give my life, and thus repent
Beloved Master, Shams-e Tabrizi
In this world with Love I’m so drunk
The path of Love isn’t easy
I am shipwrecked and must be sunk.
— Jalaluddin Rum (qs)

As with all things, there are Two Dimensions to Islam, an outer and an inner. The very purpose of the outer is to protect and give expression to the inner. If the inner is not alive, the outer is but an empty shell, devoid of purpose and utterly useless, a burden.

External attachment to religion without the internal spiritual dimension actually becomes harmful, for when purification and perfection of human character are missing, the Way becomes barred and misleading, not only resulting in bizarre expressions and interpretations of religion and revelation, but also making it increasingly difficult for sincere seekers to see and recognize the very path designed for its complete perfection, practice and expression. Hypocrisy is the greatest threat to truth, for it destroys Islam and the Muslim Community from within.

And so, the great learned men of old emphatically asserted that the true practitioner can only attain perfection by adhering to both the inner and outer aspects of the Way.

If one holds to religion yet fails to honor spirituality, he or she will become a hypocrite. And if one honors spirituality but does not live the religion, he or she will become a sinner. Only by carrying both the religion and spirituality can one reach the Goal, Truth and Reality.
— Imam Malik (ra)

3. Marry with Divine Purpose

Marriage is my Way, and who disregards my Way is not from among us.
— Prophet Muhammad (saws)

In seeking a partner, marry. By nature, a relationship outside of marriage is nearly doomed to failure, for it tends to be based in that which fails and falls — form. The temporal and physical fade, yet the spiritual is eternal, and a union based in selflessness, divine purpose and divine surrender, is blessed.

Love and Marriage in Islam : Marry Intelligently

The Prophet Muhammad (saws) advised to choose a spouse first and foremost based upon deen — religion, spiritual culture, lifestyle, intention and divine purpose. Thus base your lives together on something greater than yourselves — Allah Almighty, the true axis and center of a life in nature, and a life committed to the evolution of humanity upon earth and beyond.

If you truly seek lasting love, choose a spouse that loves God and His Messenger (saws) more than he or she loves you. And you must be the same, putting the love of the Eternal Absolute and the Way before all else. For a truly healthy, sustainable and perpetually progressing life together, the Divine and divine purpose must be primary and preeminent.

Otherwise, a relationship becomes self-serving, for the purpose of the self, and that which is physical withers, turns in on itself, and ultimately dies. At worst, it becomes the opposite of its true purpose, and rather than lead to unity, leads to further fragmentation.

Rather than create love, a relationship based purely and primarily in worldly attraction and attachment eventually manifests its deeper characteristics, and ultimately creates discord and dissonance.

Yet that which is spiritual is eternal and never dies. It grows and ascends forever. All idols shall fall and fail, and ultimately, all that remains shall be the Eternal, the Divine. We cannot find completion in another. Yet wholeness is only with God. And only two who come together in and for God can truly be united.

By believing that another human being can truly fulfill, complete and make us whole, we make the error of establishing in the other an idol for ourselves, and placing the impossible burden of be-ing upon another individual.

You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God.
— Book of Exodus (20:3-5)

Love and Marriage in Islam : Young Spiritual CoupleWholeness and completion are only possible in and through God, the Divine, Truth, and Islam, spiritual surrender internally and externally, is the path. By depending on another for completion, we become needy and dependent upon other than God, and this is but a form of idolatry. That is harmful, and a relationship based in such will fail. Attachment, need and dependence, rather than create attraction, in fact create repulsion.

Remember, the purpose of all things is to draw nearer unto God. If anything serves that purpose, it becomes blessed with barakah, spiritual light, energy, abundance, prosperity and success. If divine purpose is not being served, a thing becomes a burden, lacks light and blessings, and attracts density and heaviness. Eventually, under such burden, the cracks manifest, weaken the structure, and eventually the relationship fails.

Only Allah Almighty can complete and make whole, and marriage is not the meeting of two incomplete individuals, but a true marriage is the union between two who seek completion in the only place it may truly be attained — the Divine Presence. Such are in-dependent, dependent within and nourished directly from the Divine Presence, and so are be capable of truly loving the other. For true love is about giving, not to taking.

And call not, besides Allah, upon any other god. There is no god but He. All shall perish save His Face. To Him belongs the Command, and to Him will ye all be brought back.
— Surah al-Qasas (Holy Quran, 28:88)

So long as we are bound by form and trapped within our own skins, we can never truly attain unity and become one. For the spiritual seeker, union is only possible through love of the Divine. When such is shared between a husband and wife, the experience is amplified. Such is meeting beyond bodies.

Such is the meeting of souls. And this is only possible in the Divine Presence, in Reality beyond dunya, the world of form, appearance, manifestation and separation.

Islam is transcendence, and through it, human beings can reach the highest levels of selflessness. Islam is surrender, internally and externally, for in truth, the two are the same. Such is martyrdom of the ego, the highest form of divine service.

In the sacrifice of the self for Truth, Love and Beauty, such a “death”, is the means to eternal life. And only such Spiritual Warriors are truly alive. Thus said the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saws), “Die before you die.”

Think not of those who are slain in the way of Allah as dead. Nay, they are living, receiving sustenance and provision in the Presence of their Lord.
— Surah al-Imran (Holy Quran, 3:169)

In all aspects of life, especially with regards to love and marriage in Islam, seek the Eternal Divine Presence and Countenance of God. True love, true unity, is only possible in the Divine Presence, where all forms, separation and barriers to love dissolve.

Establish as your common life purpose and mission divine service, personal growth and spiritual evolution. Seek a spouse that understands this, and he or she will not only serve as support in your spiritual life and journey, but will ultimately meet you in the Divine Presence, beyond the world and beyond form. Only there is true love possible.

Embark on the Journey of Love.
It takes you from your self to yourself.
— Jaluluddin Rumi (qs)

Already Married?

If you are already married, you can put the lessons and principles in Love and Marriage in Islam into practice by basing your life in the above. Personally commit to Islam, in both its inner and outer dimensions. Such will save you and your children. Such is a life in and on purpose.

Do not need your spouse to change. Either they will, or not. However, by needing, insisting upon and attempting to force another to change, you virtually guarantee that they will not.

Remember, the greatest possibility for change is through your personal transformation. Gently invite, with love, compassion, wisdom and tolerance. Do not force, for there is no force in the Way.

There is no compulsion in religion. Truth stands out clear from error. Whoever rejects falsehood and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that which never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.
— Surah al-Baqarah (Holy Quran, 2:256)

Continue to perfect yourself through spirituality, and insha’llah, with the grace and blessings of the Divine Presence, your household and loved ones will naturally be drawn towards greater consciousness.

Rediscover the Source of Love


Awaken to True Love

Divine Love is the Source of the Universe, and awakening to True Love and Unity is the goal and purpose of life on earth.

Reconnect with your Divine Source, drink from the Eternal Water of Life, and allow pure and limitless Love to flow forth from your beautiful being.

The Islamic Spiritual Path is designed to liberate and purify a human being from all that is a barrier to Love. Rediscover your true self.

Rediscover Divine Love



28 Comments on “Love and Marriage in Islam”

  1. Excellent article Insan brother. You are the best when it comes to explaining complex things in life. May Allah give you good health and success every step of the way. Kashif

  2. nice article brother
    I only have one conflict that I can not solve regarding divine love. If GOD loves us, why would he put nonbeleivers in hell fire forever !! why not he punish nonbelivers for some time and then forgive them ? I can not understand a loving GOD to punish someone forever !! can you solve this conflict for me since it is causing me depression sometimes. .

    1. Excellent question, in fact, I asked one of my teachers this exact thing some 17 years ago when I first began my journey into the deeper dimension of Islamic Spirituality. His response, which to this day resonates strongly with me, can be summed up as follows. That based on our own choices and actions, most if not all of humanity will fall into hell, i.e. suffering and loss. However, by Allah Almighty’s divine mercy and grace, and the intercession of the Prophet Muhammad (saws), the Mercy to the Worlds, all of humanity may potentially be saved from the fire of their own ignorance.

      Blessed regards.

  3. dear brother Ihsan
    Your article is very nice. They say it is not possible to explain what love is, and you can understand it only when you experience, if you can. I think your article is very good in explaining a part of love and/or some kinds of love, possible to talk about. Your article is worth reading again and again, and reflecting upon.

    your reply to tamnet83tom seems to me problematic, because it is conflicting with many verses of Qur’an. Nonbelievers will stay in hellfire forever, and there will be no intercession for them either. This is what we must believe, however, we also believe our mercy is not even a drop from the ocean of divine mercy and we don’t know the details about hellfire and its intensity and conditions and so many other things throughout the eternity. It is non of our business to judge Allah (swt) We must say whatever He does, He does beautiful. We believe He never oppresses. When we cannot understand something, we must just leave it without judging or commenting. There are so many things that we cannot understand, and we must focus our intellect on our self purification. Some assertions about finiteness of staying in hellfire for nonbelievers mentioned in the books of some Sufi masters like Muhiddeen al-Arabi (qs) are all fake, they are lies attributed to those great lovers and friends of Allah planted by just rewriting their books with inclusion of their own heretical opinions of some unknown impostors. There is evidence for it. Blessed regards and selams

    1. Greetings and salaams Ekrem, thank you for your feedback. I would only suggest that as Muslims, we do our best to take great care in this topic, as judgement is with Allah Almighty alone. He is the Master of the Day of Judgement, and can do as He likes without limitation or constraint.

      Also, Allah Almighty says that “I am merciful to they who are merciful,” and, “My mercy encompasses my wrath,” (Holy Qur’an, Surah al-‘Araf, 7:156).

      All of creation was brought into existence with Bismillah, “In the Name of Allah Almighty, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.” Every single human being was and is created with love and mercy. The ultimate and final destination for creation is peace in the Divine Presence of God, “From Allah all things originate and to Allah all things return,” (Holy Qur’an, Surah al-Baqarah, 2:256)

      Yes, Allah Almighty and His Messenger (saws) warn us of the consequences of unbelief and ingratitude, yet we must never lose focus on the greatness, beauty, love, compassion and mercy of the Eternal Creator.

      All of creation bears witness continually to the Oneness of God, and even if a human being consciously with the ego-mind rejects Allah and His Messenger, his very being, each cell in his or her body is alive with “La ilaha il Allah, Muhammad Rasulullah”.

      It may be that not a single human being will leave this life without witnessing Truth in their very last breath, and that all will bear witness to the Oneness of God before death. This is purely between Allah and His creatures.

      The ego will suffer, but the soul will be set free.

      Blessed regards, to your divine success.

  4. Dear brother, It is a great refreshment to read this article. I have always sensed that true love is via Divine love, that true love is self-less. I would give of myself a lot, but people would misunderstand this and think I was expecting a return. When I was not. Or sometimes I was and didn’t know it and then not getting that return would hurt me and I would not know why. Now I know that for every ounce I gave, for which there was no appreciation, Allah was watching and does appreciate and does shower His love upon me. For verily, I did give only for Allah.
    On another angle, I’ve met scores of broken hearted people, who are now afraid to love. They think they need to be detached from the world in order to love Allah completely. I find this attitude cold and misguided. I’ve always believed in healthy attachments, which I define as attachments based on the love of God. I am stubbornly sticking to my view, though it is hard to find anyone who would agree, especially it seems among my beloved fellow Muslims who seem to be either loving for self-serving interest or are afraid to express any emotion. So this article resonates, for I read in it the key to have a healthy relationship, namely to love for Allah, in His name, and with the one goal of getting closer to Him thereby. For how are we to come to know Allah, Al-Wadud, if we are even afraid to express our hubb (love) for each other.

    1. Thank you for sharing! We are here to learn to love, to truly love, and any love given is never lost, but a blessing to others and to yourself. True love seeks nothing but to give of itself for the sake of Allah Almighty. May your life be filled with blessings, light and Love.

  5. Beautiful, well written article. Keep it up. I’m a reader. God bless you for sharing all this knowledge.

  6. Alhamdillialh! At last I have come across a line of thinking which I have been trying to share with my near and dear. I grew up in a south east asian muslim culture(India/Pakistan) and for a long time I have been thinking that perhaps the concept of teaching young ones religion might be easier if we showed them how truly and dearly Allah loves us. Many a times, we seem to underline the punishment and hardships in store for us for not being grateful and believing instead of concentrating on the benefits we would get if we only opened ourselves to the Almighty’s love and mercy. Thank you brother Ihsan for your articles. May the Almighty always inspire you and help you!

  7. Thanks Ihsan, I’m doing the islamic meditation and is changing my life, this article is very interesting and I have learned alot of thinks about love. Can you explain, way men in islam can marry 5 woman?

    1. Greetings and Salaams Alex,

      This would be a much longer discussion and would require a separate article! However, I will just say that during the time of the Prophet (saws), men were for the first time limited to a maximum of four wives. Additionally, the Qur’an advised one as preferable.

      — Ihsan

  8. Peace be upon you, you are very generous person!!your answering at every question that people ask. Your course is helping with massive steps and doubts. The think that I’m missing about islam, is to find and answer to the most controversial suras and hadizs. This will bring me peace. I’m working on that in week 3, trying to not let the influences of images attack me in that way. But when it comes in the words of God its hard work.

    Where can I find answers like.

    The violence in the Quran?

    The woman’s iquality?

    Way Allah has the same name as the tribal god of Prophet’s tribe(saws)


    Do you know of any good text ore video I could watch?

    In my town there is one of the biggest muslim communities in Spain, and I feel my self that I could get burned from both saids.

    Is hard to find answers,

    God bless the internet.

    Thanks Ihsan.

  9. Peace and blessings, Alex. Most of such issues are a result of poor translations and lack of context.

    Seek answers within yourself. Quiet your mind, and inspiration will flow through your heart.

    Blessed regards!

  10. Salam,

    So, so, what if you really like s/o- but they’re far from faith and you want them to get to faith then love you. Could that be possible as a Destiny.. that this person you like was destined to meet you so that you help them find a path of peace then you’d be made of the same mold so that eventually they love you. Is that possible? Because in the Qu’ran it is written Nikaah– the actual marriage consumation is in a Kitaab– written. I am asking this question because I like this person and do not want to make an effort towards this person (for my pride) and knowing that marriage is a Kitaab would help me be low-key. Salam and thank you very much!

    1. Walaykum salaam Mimi, yes, we believe in destiny, and this means that you need not burden yourself with stress with regards to any situation. Always try your best within the means of shariah, never force anything, simply surrender to Allah Almighty’s will and above all things seek His divine pleasure. When asking, ask Allah (SWT) to guide you to what is best for you, and to guide you away from what is not helpful or conducive to your spiritual growth and development. To your divine success.

      1. Very nice reply to Mimi. I was always confused as to whether to be proactive and doing something, when I was in a difficult situation or wanted something. But reading this is just crystallising what I have suddenly realised: when we leave it completely to Allah, it’s us at our complete submission, devoid of ego. Just us realising the Truth-Allah does make our decisions, and He is the best of providers.May Allah guide us all and protect us

        1. In seeking to grow spiritually, the greater our level of trust, surrender and reliance upon Allah, not only the greater our development, but also the greater our results. The Way is in surrender and flow, not force, and know that what Allah Almighty provides is far better than anything we could possibly do for ourselves.

          A proper paradigm is essential, and we must always remember that Allah the Great wants for us above everything our happiness and success.

          Blessings Kirin, to your divine success.

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  12. Love this article, kept searching for it now to re-read it!
    Please make font size smaller of the quotes and the header for easier readability. Thank you 🙂

    1. Blessed greetings brother Ahmad. Thank you for the feedback and the suggestion. Since porting and updating our blog, much of the formatting went awry necessitating manually updating each post and article. Insha’llah we will aim to get to this article asap. To your divine and eternal success.

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